4 In The Morning
Sunday, November 4th, 2007It’s 4 in the morning and I still can’t sleep. Neither of caffeine nor is it of too much sleep.
I should be thrilled and happy by now since what I sat off for has been achieved. Yet my feelings mellow and linger way for from what it should be.
Neither a touch of sunshine nor is it the sound of crickets from a nearby creek. Neither laughter or sadness maybe just somewhere in between. Lips tight shut, eyes half alive so it seems.
I just don’t know how to describe this aura around me as if everything is but a dream. "How to lose a guy in 10 days" thats the show just played on desktop screen. How is it possible I’m stuck here watching this when I should be out there being wild and free?
Lost with words I normally find easy to say. Lost with thoughts and ideas than I can’t ever put at bay. Just do not know why I write even though I hate it so. Just don’t know why I go on smiling when it is not there in my heart to show.
A fortress once of ego and confidence. Now piles of rust and dusts that pierce the eyes that once see so clear. Not able to enjoy the trust and feelings I dear. Just clinging to what I hold valuable left and running away from my fears.
Lighting up another candle that lights this dark and tainted heart. Seems impossible I know but who cares its a start. Voodoos and tricks wont move this daggered heart. But thanks I say a plenty for trying to sew whats already torn apart.
Just step back a little and let me take that step forward into the morning sun. Let me take those shaky steps alone and do not help me for it is mine to take and I’ll promise you I will not run. Just let it be and take a step back that day will sure to come. Stop pushing and I promise you I will not run, I will not hide, I will not let what I built so long die and I will not cry.
The truth is I am strong then, now and I will still be in the future. Just don’t push me and I’ll show then, here and after. At 4 in the morning I’m telling you this take a step back and I’ll show you what it is I’m after.
-so long its been so long but what the heck I’ve got time to kill-
