Mischievous Days

I have never been so direct in my writing. In all my life I have always tried not to slip a single clue. But here today I feel so weak. So depressed. So uneasy as these feelings stir in me and devour me from within.

Nothing worse than being a traitor. I deserve the utmost punishment. The worst of all names. I’m so ashamed of my true skin. I never knew that falling in love was such a crime. I never knew that my world would crumble because of this crime. Why God? Why me? Why her? Why him? Why now?

Especially at this time around. Why test me now after I got through this torrid patch in life? After months of sticking the pieces of my broken heart. After countless nights wondering what I did wrong. After numerous days I spent weeping in the dark. After all those days finding a reason to carry on. I’m not a loser I once said. I can do this I said over and over in my head. But now you’ve sent me this?

God no. Not now. Not after taking those shaky steps back into life. Why must I be the one to face this most awkward feeling? The first love against an oath I took to love and care for the person I call a brother? Why must this feeling haunt me in my sleep? Not only in my sleep now it haunts me even as my eyes are open big.

Bro, please understand this. If I knew she was yours I wouldnt there say a word. I wouldn’t bother telling you how deep she means to me. Because you are as important to me as all the feelings I have gathered into one. You are my brother man. Something not everyone I call way out blind.

I would just like to pave my way out of this path I surely am so sad to take. I pray for your happiness and long lasting love. I am so sorry man. Compared to you no wonder I lost in the first place. On bended knees I plead to you. Forgive me bro. Forgive me for my sin.

Finally all the pieces have come together. All the lies, all the lyrics of this song. I was such a full for not seeing it. I was such a fool even though I knew but I kept not believing in it.

I could only say that life will never be the same. As it was then now it will glide way further cause I know its just the way it is. I can believe how I am such a fool. How I carved the old oak tree to write names that will eternally stay. How I managed to sink so deep and not die along the way.

Man how could I missed it? How could I not realize it when it is stated so clearly when its always there? But I know what it is that needs to be done. I now know the ending to the play that so long ago begun. I rest in piece now after knowing the answers I really need. Thank you again for listening to my last plea…